The railway goes on, and finally disappears in the forest.
I'm standing between the two rails. It's quiet; I guess no train has passed here since yesterday. Behind me, there is a small train station. The wooden fence separates the platform from the waiting room, and in front of the signal light, I sit down on the pebbles below.
Sooner or later, a train will come. And if I wait long enough, it will take me on. At the end of the forest, the train may merge into some other lines, and from there, perhaps I'm a little closer to where I want to go.
But even if I get on the train, even if I arrive at the place, what's the big deal?
If my life goes on like a train, then it chooses the next stop. If one station is closed, should I wait for it to re-open, or just go to the next destination? If the two stations are identical to each other, then why should I linger around a particular one? I try to convince myself, but somehow, I can't gather enough reason.
I have no idea which routes are available ahead of me. When the train travels in the dark, I cannot tell where I am heading. Sometimes it feels like searching for the exit in a labyrinth. I can do my best to look for it, but may never leave this place in any due time.
Why am I trying so hard anyway. Isn't it better just to enjoy the landscape, the flowers and trees along the way? If I can't grasp my future, then why not just seize the present and make the most out of it? I notice right now, it's spring outside of the window. Spring comes only once a year, and if I miss it, I'll have to wait another year for it to come back. I only have so many years in my life, and there aren't many chances I can afford wasting.
The bell rings, and the next stop is coming closer. I need a good timing to get off the train. Someone says timing is important in one's life. If you have the perfect timing, then luck is on your side today; otherwise, pray to the Lord so that he can make it right next time. What's the best timing for me? All I know is when the spring is over, if I still can't do anything, then I should really leave it alone, and possibly, never come back to the same train station again.
If it rains on the way, it's the worst thing of the trip. In the midst of all the mist and waterdrop, my view of the world is blurred, and I feel there is no certainty to hold on to. Some people like the feeling of being questionable and insecure. They say if you don't know whether you'll be living in the next minute, then you'll learn to cherish your time right now. But if I don't know whether it is flat ground or a cliff in fron of me, would I be willing to take the next step?
You've told me of your location, and I said I'd come looking for you, no matter how long it takes. I guess I was a bit too ambitious. Still, I won't ever say a word in vain, and when the time comes, I'll get off at where you are. But whether it is a brief stop or longer stay, let the Lord dictate. It's difficult to keep one promise, and if I can't make another, please forgive me. I'll wear a smile tomorrow as usual, whether I'm still in the middle of the trip, or right beside you.

Mom, Dad, I'm sorry.
I was talking to my cousin today about his trip. Right now, the travel agency is asking for more money from his family, and demands a check to be sent overnight. Because it just happened so suddenly, his parents are not prepared at all for this. My cousin placed all the blame on his mom and dad, saying they should've known about it weeks ago. Then he locked himself inside.
It's disturbing to see a kid behaving like this. If he is not the one paying for the bill, then what's the point of taking out his anger on others? No one said he must go on this trip in the first place; his parents gave him this opportunity as a gift. What did he do to earn this trip? A $4000 tour around Italy is a luxury for anybody. Even if he deserves it, when a problem comes to them, what good does it do to just push around the responsibility? No one wants to pay a bill for no reason, and an overnight payment is just unreasonable. When they paid for the air ticket, they were clearly told it was the "full amount". Now the agency is asking for more, should they just shut up and do as they say? Putting the blame on parents while sitting in his room and enjoy some movie, this is not fair. A spoiled kid takes it all for granted, and when reality strikes, there's nowhere to run.
O, why am I talking about others, like I myself am complete innocent and holy? If I can see a problem from other places, then does that mean it's also affecting me? THinking back, even now I still cause unnecessary burden for my own mom and dad. I always thought of myself as an adult, who should take care of myself and relieve their pressure, but in fact, what did I do to help them? Why does my irresponsible way of handling thing always appear in front of them? I'm sick of using the word "childish", but I'm really nothing but that. They're getting senile, and I should be caring about them now. I made promises before, and now it's time for them to come true. If I don't change myself, I'll never grow up.
So i'm sorry for being such a kid all along, and by looking at others, I realize how disappointing I am. It sounds stupid, but from now on, mom and dad, I'll amend for my foolishness, and start behaving like an adult. Let my Lord control my destiny, and make me pleasing to your eyes and hearts.

Oh no.
I feel like I did something unforgivable yet again.
And this time, I think you really cried. You wouldn't let me know, just like you don't show anybody your tears. But I heard it. I can tell from the silence at the other end of the phone, you were sad about what I said. You asked me a question, and I gave you something that wasn't even an answer. As soon as your voice reached me, I feel I deserve some kind of punishment for what I did. I really want to hear your smiling voice once more.
That question, I think you already know what I would choose. You've seen what I've been doing all this time, and that leads to only one answer. I chose a non-existent option C only because neither of the two was a perfect scenario. And trust me, I know life can be imperfect most of the time. For a moment, I felt like letting all of my thoughts out and make them known to you and all of the world. But I decide not to, and it's almost painful to hold it in. Once I open my mouth, I won't know when to stop, and I dont want to make any mistake to dishearten you again. You and I are not together, and it is difficult to fix any problem if I'm not careful with what I say.
So I chose to evade the question, and made this awkward moment happen. You thought I was trying to lie, because I wasn't being serious about it at all. If it's not the time for the truth yet, then I just won't say anything about it. You can say I'm not telling the truth, because I don't want to make up some excuses instead, because in front of you, I don't ever want to tell a lie. I'm such a person, and I'm sorry for being so. But just for once, trust my decision, if you really believe in me. I still remember what I said, and will do everything to not make those words in vain.
May the dear Lord deliver this message to you, and rejoice your heart from the bottom of despair. Even if the whole world falls into darkness, I just want you to know, there is still one voice praying for your happiness without end.

This time, I'm really in the middle of a trip.
Well, I don't feel like complaining after all. I think Lord has arranged this challenge for me, and his intentions must be good. I have not been myself lately, and the distance between me and Him only becomes more and more everyday. Now he puts me on this small ordeal, I suddenly realize what I've been doing is just without justification. I deserved it, and if this is the way I can make up to him, I'd be glad to endure any hardship.
No one has predicted this trouble, and I doubt any human can explain why this is happening. Sudden snow storms at the airport, endless line up at the information desk, overbooked buses, and sleepless night of awaiting. Only He knows. He knows that I've become a sloth, and he doesn't want such a servant of his. So he reshapes me, even if it means punishment. Through pain he makes me see, and by harsh circumstances he lets me understand. He tells me it is not too late to repent: there is still time, but not enough to waste any longer.
So I'll go on with this trip, and take whatever that comes next. The night will be long, but it won't be too lonely, because I have him at heart, and when I close my eyes, your smile keeps me accompanied. Even there is a thousand miles apart, I am always with you, and you with me.

The main bridge is finally closed, and I'm left with the only option to use the side bridge. It's quite a detour, because it's farther away from my residence. Whenever I think of the fact that I need to spend more time walking around this bridge, I can't help laughing at how stupid the school comes up with such an idea to do maintenance on the main route.
Well, it's not too disappointing after all. Because of its distance, I've never bothered walking through the bridge before. And it's not the same as any other bridge. It's literally just above the waterfall, where the calm lake pours into the gorge down below. The peaceful flow is suddenly interrupted, water smashed into moist air under the bridge. Looking at the strea running down the height, I find my ears surrounded by the thundering sound of collision, the awesome power of water falling down from above. When it hits the rocks underneath, water dissolves into the air and slowly rises up to fill up the whole space. The bridge becomes a misty world, and every time I come in contact with it, my skin becomes moist, and my hair wet.
This world is transient. It begins at one end of the bridge and ends at the other. No one sets a boundary, but somehow, beyond the bridge, the mist mysteriously hides away. When I'm on the bridge, however, it envelopes me from my tip to toe. It blocks my view too: everything is vague, intangible, and if I stick my hand out, I can grab nothing but the air full of vapor. If I stay in this world too long, I'll start losing my sight.
If my eye can't tell me where I'm going, my feet will just move forward. Sometimes it feels strangely comfortable to walk around without knowing a direction. But this misty world isn't the permanent place to stay. If there is a cliff in front of me, the mist doesn't let me know. Once I wander too much, I might go astray and fall off into the abyss below. Then it would be all over.
I'm thankful that the bridge isn't too long. When I reach the other side, the sky will clear up, and I'll be able to see the sunlight again. It's not easy living in this reality, but once in a while, I appreciate just how real it is to be living.