Oh no.
I feel like I did something unforgivable yet again.
And this time, I think you really cried. You wouldn't let me know, just like you don't show anybody your tears. But I heard it. I can tell from the silence at the other end of the phone, you were sad about what I said. You asked me a question, and I gave you something that wasn't even an answer. As soon as your voice reached me, I feel I deserve some kind of punishment for what I did. I really want to hear your smiling voice once more.
That question, I think you already know what I would choose. You've seen what I've been doing all this time, and that leads to only one answer. I chose a non-existent option C only because neither of the two was a perfect scenario. And trust me, I know life can be imperfect most of the time. For a moment, I felt like letting all of my thoughts out and make them known to you and all of the world. But I decide not to, and it's almost painful to hold it in. Once I open my mouth, I won't know when to stop, and I dont want to make any mistake to dishearten you again. You and I are not together, and it is difficult to fix any problem if I'm not careful with what I say.
So I chose to evade the question, and made this awkward moment happen. You thought I was trying to lie, because I wasn't being serious about it at all. If it's not the time for the truth yet, then I just won't say anything about it. You can say I'm not telling the truth, because I don't want to make up some excuses instead, because in front of you, I don't ever want to tell a lie. I'm such a person, and I'm sorry for being so. But just for once, trust my decision, if you really believe in me. I still remember what I said, and will do everything to not make those words in vain.
May the dear Lord deliver this message to you, and rejoice your heart from the bottom of despair. Even if the whole world falls into darkness, I just want you to know, there is still one voice praying for your happiness without end.