I've never written anything this late at night/ early in the morning. Of course, my brain keeps telling me to go to sleep, and I find myself having to listen to music to make my eyes stay open. Well, they say that when you're in a dreamy state, a different perspective, point of view appears in front of you, and all of a sudden, the universe changes its look.
But even so, I can't go on for a long time, as there's only 15 minutes till my body has to move again, from here onto the plane. Thinking back of what I saw and heard tonight, there are just too many things I don't comprehend, but the world goes on as it always does. Whether I go to sleep or stay awake, or get trapped somewhere in between, I know I'm going home, maybe not as a victorious soldier, but still longing for where I belong. There're countless things that don't go as we wish, and we still get to live with that, because this world doesn't exist for the purpose of perfection. I may want to fix a part of it, but it only comes at the cost of breaking another part. Nonetheless, from what we can see and feel, there's always a possibility, a hope of living in a better way. That's why I kept telling you a similar thing, because it doesn't matter things are good or bad between us, there's always room to have more fun and less pain. If it's a quest to find a better solution, then it will probably last for a life time.
I get scared of this world sometimes, because ordinary stuff can become so peculiar and strange that it's almost frightening. I try to reason everything with logic, but it fails too many times to be convincing anymore. I can't explain how it is, but reasons can't overcome instinct, even though innate reflex can be misleading and result in catastrophic situations. But before anything is sorted clear, let me get on the flight, and head back to where you are. I know eventually I will take you with me, but for now, let me have a shelter, give me some time to reflect, and look ahead once more.
Good night to you, and to whoever is weary and longing for a home to return.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Thursday, December 06, 2007
lonely prayer for the loveliest
After such a long time, this place starts to feel a bit unfamiliar now. I've been lazy havn't I.
Even at this hour, I can't think of much to say, even though so much is racing through my mind right now. It's like the mixed emotions in the afternoon, there's so much going on I could barely hold it in, but can't sort it out in words. So all I did was just holding you in me tight, wordlessly, yet unwilling to let go.
I guess I was stupid. There are a thousand things I could have done to make you happier, yet I did none of them. After selfishly thinking of only myself for 18 days, I finally woke up to find there wasn't much time left to give you a time to remember. I don't understand why or how I could do one of the person i care the most, yet I did it myself. The one I love the most.
I don't have much time now, because there are things to finish tomorrow. I can only say that the next time seeing you, I'll hold you and tell you how much I love you. I'll do everything to show I love you. I'll right all the wrongs and leave nothing but times to cherish.
I had thought I treasured you. Only when you are leaving, I found out I didn't do enough of that. When you're not by my side, when I'm looking into the dark night alone, your absence leaves my emotions in pieces. The room, once filled with your flavor, suddenly becomes devoid of your scent. After taking a nap, I customarily reached out, only to find you were not there anymore. I asked myself again and again why I couldn't be with you all the time, and the only answer I got, is this is still a test to be completed. I can see when this is going to end, but how I still need enough patience to get there. And I will get there, together with you.
Let me say nothing more, because it's not an option for me to have a breakdown, at least not in the library. But all the best, and let my thoughts accompany all the way, all the time, even though it's just a short separation, even though the good days are still to come. I have made my decision, and it's nothing but a wonder to have you in my life. Thank you baby, I will continue to love you with all I have.
Even at this hour, I can't think of much to say, even though so much is racing through my mind right now. It's like the mixed emotions in the afternoon, there's so much going on I could barely hold it in, but can't sort it out in words. So all I did was just holding you in me tight, wordlessly, yet unwilling to let go.
I guess I was stupid. There are a thousand things I could have done to make you happier, yet I did none of them. After selfishly thinking of only myself for 18 days, I finally woke up to find there wasn't much time left to give you a time to remember. I don't understand why or how I could do one of the person i care the most, yet I did it myself. The one I love the most.
I don't have much time now, because there are things to finish tomorrow. I can only say that the next time seeing you, I'll hold you and tell you how much I love you. I'll do everything to show I love you. I'll right all the wrongs and leave nothing but times to cherish.
I had thought I treasured you. Only when you are leaving, I found out I didn't do enough of that. When you're not by my side, when I'm looking into the dark night alone, your absence leaves my emotions in pieces. The room, once filled with your flavor, suddenly becomes devoid of your scent. After taking a nap, I customarily reached out, only to find you were not there anymore. I asked myself again and again why I couldn't be with you all the time, and the only answer I got, is this is still a test to be completed. I can see when this is going to end, but how I still need enough patience to get there. And I will get there, together with you.
Let me say nothing more, because it's not an option for me to have a breakdown, at least not in the library. But all the best, and let my thoughts accompany all the way, all the time, even though it's just a short separation, even though the good days are still to come. I have made my decision, and it's nothing but a wonder to have you in my life. Thank you baby, I will continue to love you with all I have.
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