It's still cold, just like any other winter day. I guess it's going to be like this for a while.
Waking up early isn't someting very pleasant, but at least there is a purpose. Whenever I go to Lord's house, I need to be punctual, and that's more important than anything. I want to be instructed by His voice, so that I don't get lost in this wilderness.
Start to miss you a bit, maybe because I know we can't speak for a while. It's like a natural instinct: when something is taken away, almost anything, you sort of want it back. But then rationalization kicks in, and everything becomes clear and completely acceptable. After all, this is better than not being able to talk for a month, or forever. Now I look back, when something occurs too frequently, I get used to it so much that I lose the sense of it and the desire to keep up. Maybe I overdid it. I think when I start to repeat myself, it's because I have nothing left to say. It's like my defensive mechanism working to drag on the conversation. There are things in my mind, but I'm not telling anyone. Some thoughts are not meant to be shared, at least for now. So all that is left is just daily greetings and asking if there's something wrong. From my side, I am just living my days in the usual way, and that will remain the same for pretty much the rest of it. As I open my mouth and nothing comes out, I am getting weary of my sudden loss of speech; when both ends of the telephone has gone mute, I cannot help myself feeling bad. I lost my sense of direction, and if happens to you too, then there's no point in continuing on.
So let us learn to appreciate this unspoken silence for a while. Collect our stories in a small box, and pour it out all at once after some time. That way, we can surely make our conversation more interesting next time. I believe it is the best for both of us, and thank you for suggesting it.
And one last thing, your name will be in my prayer everyday, and that is one thing I will not forget. May Lord convey it to you, so that you feel peaceful and being loved as you go through those lonely nights. Bless you.

It seems that the brighter the sun shines, the colder the temperature gets.
So on a beautiful day like this, the last thing I want to do is going outside.
The clouds from yesterday dispersed into small, scattering pieces, floating across the blue blue sky. Sky is always beautiful when it's sunny, like a clean sheet of canvas painted with that unique, smooth blue color. I feel like, if I look up into it, then I can see through the atmosphere and reach the outer space. The purity, the mysteriousness make me feel fascinated. Over the land of snow, the spruces are waving under the wind, their tops joining up the heaven and earth. I wonder if I can ever paint a picture as surreal as this.
But never go outside. On the way back, the sunlight gives off a little warmth, but it's taken right away by the flesh-cutting wind. The air has countless invisible razors in it; my skin gets red in a couple of second, as if the blood inside is ready to burst out any minute. I tie up every button on my coat, and it surprises me to realize my chest is still ice cold. The temperature sinks in from every pore. It doesn't matter how I fight it, there's no perfect defense in this case.
Don't get fooled. It may look nice from afar, but as soon as you get close to it, prepare to take on the casualty. There are traps under a lovely cover, and that's how people get caught up and never come back out again. Avoid the colorful mushrooms, for they are usually the most poisonous.

I think once I said, no matter how busy I get, I'll still come on here once in a while.
Because this is the place I tell you about my life, and there's no lie or deceiving, only my truest thoughts.
Looking out from my window, I see a quiet little town, not filled with heavy traffic, but the smell of a cold winter. When the sun comes out, the snow reflects the light into my eyes and blinds them. When the clouds hover over, so goes the whiteness, and the ice suddenly turns a little grey, just like the color of the naked tree trunks around.
I don't enjoy going out in this weather. The wind blows over, unmercifully, like a thousand knives slashing my face. Only five minutes, my cheeks, my hand, my neck all turn red, and my body becomes ice old even under the protection of layers of jacket. Every step isn't easy, and how I wish I can just stay inside all the time.
But I can't. I came to this place, not to go on a vacation, but to take on a mission, a lesson which God has arranged for me. I believe Lord has taken me, and he is trying to make me his vessel, which is also for my own good. I told Lord my wishes, and He told me back, in order for that to happen, I needed to be a qualified person. Then I won't disappoint the people I care so much about. So no matter how hard it gets, I'm not stopping now.
I know you're far away and I can't reach out to you, and it still makes me a bit disheartened. But I can always pray to the Lord to embrace you in His love, and that consolation is enough to keep my faith alive. I leave whatever I can't do to Him, and I am certain he will fulfill my request while I'm fulfilling His. Right now, I am missing you, and I hope you're all well.
When the winter leaves, summer won't be far away. Keep smiling, because you look best when you are glad. Take good care of yourself, for that's the only thing I need you to do for me.

Maybe it will like this from today on: too many things to do, but too little time to do them all.
I have to use the minimum time and maximum efficiency, to finish whatever I can.
I can picture the days I can't talk to you for a single moment, and even thought they're dreadful, there's no other choice. You know I can't stay in one place for too long, because if so, I'm not doing any good to anybody. Will I make you feel sad then? If I do, I'm sorry, for I can't even find a reason to excuse myself. These are the hard times, and as Lord puts us under the test, I can only pray that our faiths in Him and in each other will be more solid, rather than just ebb away. I hope this time can be over in a blink of eye, just like how I will fly to you in the end. In the time between, please don't forget the wish I made in front of you. I'll ask nothing more than that.
I'm walking on the path my Father has instructed me, and I look forward to the inn where you make me feel home. The sun has just risen, and when it shines right above us, I will be able to fulfill the words once I said to you. May Lord protect us both in this journey. Amen.

I was flying above the clouds, and thinking about the you underneath.
I was looking at the night sky, and imagining your smile in that thin air.
I was listening to my fingers running on the keyboard, and guessing you doing the same.
I was praying to my dearest Lord in heaven, and wishing you enjoying everything in life.

Always, even when I'm not around.

Lord created us, and we thank for his grace to give us the lives.
Lord blessed us, and we bath in his love and listen to his words.
Lord tested us, and we once doubted his wisdom but repented at last.
Lord will reward us, because we are his children and faithful servants.

I saw your face in my dream, but it was gone when I woke up.
I heard your voice in the bustling city, only to realize it was my illusion.
I shouted out your name loud, instead was greeted by the empty echos.
However, I did feel your kindness in my chest, nostalgiac yet heartwarming.

Until the sun rises again, I will remain silent, even if it means avoidance.
Until the moon rises again, let us bear Lord's yoke, even if it is hard work.
Until we speak again, I will pray for your joy, because I care about you greatly.
Until we meet again, let us put this behind, because we will write new stories.

So until the next time, Godspeed.

After all the anticipation, whether willingly or not, I'm getting out of this place, and leaving this page of my life behind. If I write a book recording myself since birth to death, I guess I've already done 1/3 of it.
In my prayer this morning, I confessed that I felt uncertain about what would be waiting ahead. I can make a plan for tomorrow, but cannot look into the future. Only Lord's wisdom can accomplish that. But I will place my faith in Him, for he will take care of his children and make the best decision for them. It has happened in the past, and it will be done again in the future. Even though I cannot fathom his gracious intent, I will still go down the path and fulfill my words and His wishes. I don't doubt for a moment, there will be light and warmth in the end.
I'm leaving you now, and I said I would come back in a while. It will be short, but expect a different person by then. My life isn't going to be static, and I'll keep adding flavor to it until it becomes beautiful. Maybe my thought of you will fade away a little, but it's okay, because we're still His children and our prayers will reach each other through Him. And if He wills it, when the time comes, we can still pick it up from there.
There's less time to spend around now, and I have to make my pace even faster. They say after walking through the desert, you learn to appreciate water a lot more, and I believe in them. And in your absence, our memory will keep reminding me of always looking up towards the best. But I'll hide it away from everyone else for now, since it's a secret between only you and me.

I'm very tired at this hour, and my brain is clogged with difficult concepts and unending thoughts. But still, I think I finally stumbled upon the answer I'm looking for. It's so simple that I wonder why I couldn't see it all along.
I said I'd never hide a thing from you, and here it goes. It's going to sounds a little harsh and unpleasant, because truth sometimes hurts, and you know it better than me. But even if you don't understand now, it's going to be okay, because as you walk down the road, you will get it one day eventually.
Days ago you said you were relying on me too much. I didn't think about it too thoroughly at the time, and it was my negligence. I understand how you felt, but I'm the one who really made this happen. Before I tell you more, I'll confess a story that even my parents don't know.
When I was still in junior high, once I had a crush on this girl. At that time, I took it quite seriously, because it was my true intention to make her happier. I knew she was having a hard time dealing with school, and I almost volunteered to offer my help. Literally, I took it all under my wings and did everything I could to help her get into the school she wanted. What I didn't know, was that I was giving too much care, and somehow it turned into indulgence. I shall stop here. There's no need to reveal what exactly happened at last, because she took it all for granted, and it could never lead to a "and they live happily ever after" ending.
That's the story. I don't regret what I did, because it seems I learned a valuable lesson. But it is unnerving to realize that right now, I sense the same story is unfolding once again. Remember once before I said I liked you? I still do, but now I'm afraid I'm doing things in a slightly wrong way. I just can't afford repeating the same old mistake.
I still remember you said you wante to grow up. I admire your determination, because I'm trying to do the same, yet having so much trouble. One thing I felt, though, is that there are days you have to walk home alone in the ice cold rain, and there are times you weep silently without being comforted by anyone. Maybe it rarely happens at all, but I won't be able to repair your broken heart every time you feel down. Perhaps you still recall that I'll always hold you dear to heart, but will that alone be able to overcome the disappointment?
God's love for us is unconditional. But I'm only human, and it's difficult for me to do the same. Sometimes I feel lonely and helpless, and even though I don't mean any hard, my words may carry a different meaning in your ears. It has already happened once, and despite that I never want to let it happen again, I can't guarantee there's no next time. I'm imperfect as I am, and if you truly care about me, please, just for the moment, bear with my stupidity. I'm not as wise as you think, but honestly, I'm beginning to get tired of apologizing every time something happens. It's hard for me to take it all on myself, even though I never want to see you feel sad.
Once I read from somewhere: true caring is not exactly sticking around the person every minute and doing everything together, but giving support to each other in times of need and going through hardships without giving up the faiths. I will take it as a word of truth. We're both aware that the parting moment is coming soon. But even in those days I'm not around, when despair strikes, come talk to me, and I'll let you know that I'm always there to give you a hand. Still, I will treat you as a full adult from now on, for this is what both of us want to become. It means that there will be pain and pressure, but after the journey, we'll truly be able to understand the meaning of happiness.
I don't like making promises, because someone responsible shouldn't give words for what he's not certain to accomplish. I know time can nurture a relationship or kill it, and let's wait to see whether he's a friend or a foe. Nevertheless, it's my sincere hope to come back to you when it's all said and done. So I pray to my dear Lord to equip me with enough power and faith, in order to tread through the dark water and reach beyond.

I feel a little awful right now, because just now I exposed my innermost fear and weakness. But I owe you a proper explanation, and here it is. I will write down every detail, not to defend myself, but in the hope to let you understand a bit more.

Honestly, I didn’t even realize I was acting strange until the moment you mentioned it to me. It’s true that I was talking in a louder voice, which is pretty unusual, but I never noticed I looked mad. To refine my behavior and control my emotions, I admit I still have a long way to go. I said I needed to grow up, and that's still quite true.

I understand that you feel you are mistreated, and you have every reason to think so. It’s my fault from the start, and I’m terribly sorry. I should have kept in mind, that no matter how frustrated I ever become, it’s unforgivable to take it out on you. It’s just, after all that search for nothing, I couldn’t quite calm down when you finally appeared in front of me. I’m not sure if you ever had this before, but when I was a kid and my parents were working for a long time, leaving me behind, I would cry and yell at them when they got back home. Even though I knew they were doing their best to make the family happier, and I was more than happy to welcome them home, I would still lose all my reasoning and let out all my emotions. In fact, when I first saw you today, I was unbelievably glad; I’m just sorry I can’t present it in a more acceptable fashion. I feel bad that I was acting like a kid and made you sad, but I just want you to know what I really meant that time.

No matter how I look on the outside, I’m still human, and I make mistakes all the time. I’m grateful you pointed it out to me, and as far as I can, I’ll avoid doing the same thing next time. Now, I have explained myself too much, and it’s time to take a break. Even if you still don’t understand, I’ll still pray for you, and in Lord’s name, I swear I will become a better person, as I have promised you once before.

Not long ago, I thought I had plenty of time to do what I want. I was playing computer games in high school, then switched to card games like poker after university, and finally to sudoku last fall. Partying and drinking were also part of the routine during weekends and holiday. It was fun.

But I don't have a lot of time now, and it's gonna be even less in two weeks. A new life is waiting to kick in, and, because of that, I need to adapt so that I can survive. It's really fine, because the way it's happening is logical and reasonable for me to accept. And what's more, looking back at what I was doing before, all of a sudden, I'm no longer enticed by those any more. Except for this diary, though, for I feel a need to record down those fleeting, but valuable thoughts on life. If I don't, they would be gone in no time, and there's no way to retrieve them.

Whenever it occurs to me that time is slipping right through my fingers as I breath in and breath out, I become a little saddened by the simple, yet undeniable fact. The Lord grants me this life and He's generous enough make it decades long, but it doesn't mean we get to enjoy our time forever. Every time I listen to One Hundred Years, I can't stop thinking how much time left I have in hands, and what I am obliged to do within the limit. If I get to live for 80 years, then I've spend a quarter already; even so, I haven't done anything to either glorify my Lord, or help others in need. Shame on me.

I know I can't waste much time anymore. But once I open another chapter of my life, some content in the previous one will be lost. That's why I am a little afraid of moving on, even though I don't have control over my pace. The thought of forgetting someone dear to me is frightening, and it has happened before, like a dreaded nightmare coming true. An important person from years ago could become a stranger today, because I am human, and time wears down my memory and faith. I am sick of this kind of real life drama and my own powerlessness, but Lord determines which to stay and which to leave behind, and I still believe it's to the best of my benefit. But maybe I can never understand his graceful intent, for my wisdom is foolishness in front of him. I admit my faith is shallow, so it still pains me when I take my leave, and try to hang on to the things that are meant to be forsaken.

I can't continue this on anymore, because if I think about it even a minute longer, I may really break down. Whether you're here to stay, or are just another passenger, I don't know, and I don't want to know. I don't want to expect anything to happen in the future, because the higher the expectation, the bigger the disappointment. If it doesn't turn out the way I am praying for, then tomorrow is just another day, and the earth won't stop spinning. Even though I'll always pray to God for your blessing, if I can no longer keep up and become alienated down the road, please forgive me for letting you down. Rest of the heartache, I'll take that myself.

I said I was always going to be honest with you, and today is no exception.
When you told me the truth just now, in fact, I felt a little glad. I can't come up with a clear reason for this, but somehow, it feels like I am not a bystander anymore, but playing a role in your life now. I don't care if I'm the most insignificant character, or only a stage cleaner, but as long as I can contribute to the success of the whole drama, I guess it's enough for me to go through any kind of trouble. You're one of the people I cherish very much, and I've already given my reasons. Nonetheless, just like you said, if you lean on me too much, then the result will be that you can't stand on your feet, which is something neither of us want. I said I would keep doing the same, and so I will. I'll give you a hand whenever it's necessary, so don't be afraid, because I'm the backup right behind, and I believe I'm reliable enough. But in the presence of hardship, I would like you to attempt to deal with it on your own; only by doing this, you can truly become what you always dream to be. Happiness is only achieved by putting efforts into it. I think that's what you tried to say, and that's what I always want to believe.
I know the time left is not very much now. There's a thousand words I want to say, there's a thousand things I want to do, but too bad, time's up, and the opportunity is gone. So I will just keep all of them inside, and when another time comes, I'll pick them out one by one, weave them into a story, and narrate it to you. You know I'm clumsy at story-telling, but I'll make it as lovely as possible, for after you've gone through the dark clouds, you deserve a reward that is pleasing and memorable.
While I'm not here, may Lord be with you every moment. Amen.

It's funny how I sometime burden myself with the word "responsibility". Maybe I'm just excusing myself for something I dare not do.
Well, now we're talking about dramas. I don't reject them as a whole, but I do see them as a condensed version of life. It contains certain elements, such as love, hate, struggle, and freedom, and people often get touched by the truthfulness of such a presentation. That's how the directors and actors get their profit from us. And it's fine that way.
But don't forget, when you condense something, it is not quite the same as the original.
Whether it's a love story or adventure tale, I believe there must be a counterpart in real life. Otherwise it would be impossibly difficult for the writer to construct such a thing out of empty air. Nonetheless, what they tend to omit in their works, is the boring part of our daily lives. How often do you see them portraying our everyday activities in any drama? If I were to write something, I probably wouldn't spend much time on taking showers, making food, and studying for exams. They're the part of life that we're so familiar with, and if they put any emphasis on them, we would get tired and sick, and probably discard the entire show as a result.
But you still need to do those trivial things in reality. If you don't take showers, then you'd be dirty all day. If you don't cook or buy food, you'd suffer from starvation. If you don't study hard, then you'd fail your exams and get a scolding from whoever is concerned about you. While we are involved in various emotional and physical struggles, no one is living like that in every moment. Our mental capability are too fragile to handle too much ecstasy or disappointment.
So before long, I was already dismayed in such fairytales. They're like beautiful prophecies, but never to be realized any time soon. I can't live in my dreams alone. If that's the case, then, I rather get on with my life and try to make my days a bit more meaningful. If I can't give you the complicated love entanglement you're longing for, I can at least do those little things to make your life a little easier. That's the only responsibility I'll promise to take on.
And sometimes, I think what we see on TV is a reminder to ourselves, because we'd better prevent the same thing from happening to our own lives. That's why I'm disgusted whenever some divorces from movie megastars break out, like how they get separated in merely a week since they're together. It feels like they're playing a game, and in this game they're trying to make themselves look as foolish as possible. Too bad their acting skills are so detestable that I don't even think it's funny or enjoyable to watch.
It's also the foundation of my belief, even though I have been called stupid many times. Take marriage as an example. To me, it's a little different from some grand ceremony that we enjoy, and a wedding ring isn't something you toy with. Before the marriage, you can flirt with anyone or go out with them at the same time without feeling too guilty, because you're not yet commited to anyone yet. You're just friend with them, and there's no reason to bind yourself to the floor if you see it unfit. But when you swear the oath to your partner for life, it's not just some formality to go through; you actually mean it. It means the beginning that you are prepared to accept the difference between you two, face the hardship lying ahead, and take on the responsiblity of caring for each other's well being. It means you understand there maybe storms coming up, and you are ready to step into it without ever letting go of her hand, even if you're torn to pieces, smashed to the ground, or dried of all your tears. Maybe it's never going to get that unfortunate, but you're aware of such a possibility. It's not like poker; if you find your hand displeasing, you are not going to change to another one. You stick to your hand and try to make the best out of it.
I always say I need to mature, and I think I'm mature enough to hold my own ground. When I watch a movie, I laugh at the funny moments, I shed tears at the sad parts, but when it's over, I'm back on track and never get lost in this concocted plot. They are there to entertain, not to ensnare us or distort our view of the world. There maybe a chance of its happening in real life, but the chance is no more than a fraction of a million. And I'm pretty damn sure it's not going to happen to me.
My opinion may be different from yours, and I'm fully conscious of this possibility. I apologize if what I have said offended you, and I'll be more careful with my words from now on. Still, I will hold on to what I believe, because this is too fundamental to be changed by a whimsical comment. Perhaps my perception of the world isn't entirely accurate, but I shall walk down this path,, as I need to listen to my Father's words and fulfill His wishes.
I hope you understand what I've been saying, but it's fine even if you don't. Just remember: whenever a word comes out of my mouth, I am responsible for what I say, and as far as I know, it is going to remain that way for the rest of my life.

Sometimes, I can't solve the puzzle in the first try. I need to go back to the start, reflect what I have done, think of a new strategy before moving on again.
The last sudoku took me 3 trials-and-errors. When I first looked at the game, I knew it wasn't going to be an easy shot, but never thought it would be too time-consuming either. I took a chance midway through, and it didn't pay off. Well, back from the scratch, I had to do everything again. Contrary to what I expected, however, I made an innocuous mistake once more, and just minutes from the completion, I realized I had no choice but to start over. A sense of helplessness began to creep onto me, and for the first time, I thought about giving up today's sudoku.
I'm glad I didn't. That's because, this is one of the first puzzles you sent to me. From the moment I took it in my hands, I was determined to leave no questions behind. I was going to solve every one of them, one at a time, until I could give you a satisfying answer. So I went for a third time, almost exceedingly careful, and reached the end at last. At that instant, an idea struck me: life isn't always like a comforting breeze. But even against a vicious gust pushing me back, I still need to walk on, never giving up, because when the storm calms, I'll be able to see your smile again. In fact, it seems that's all I have to do to make myself content.
I know it's just an everyday game, really nothing more than that. But it kind of carries a special meaning too. I'm sure in our real lives, we will have to encounter a lot of troubles, and some of them may seem insurmountable at first. Sometimes our plan gets thwarted, and failure can really wear down our patience. I can't promise I'll never get frustrated, but I will use my brain to come up with a best strategy, and find a way through the obstacle at last. I just need some motivations at times, and that's why I need to thank you for giving it to me all along.
I admit that I'm not mature enough to take on every problem in my life, but I'll start from small ones just like today's sudoku. Honestly, I am really clumsy at times, yet I won't stop trying to finish things to the best of my ability. Thank God, I feel like I've grown up a bit in the last year, because even in the darkest night and deadliest hurricanes, I kept my faith, fought on, and eventually reached beyond. As time goes on, I just hope I can learn how to take care of myself in a better way, and in the end, possibly two people at the same time.
When the year ends, I will have solved every puzzle in the book. After that, I will be ready to take on a series of newer, and harder problems you give to me. But I won't be afraid, for even there is the slightest chance to add a little more joy to your life, I will put in every effort to make it happen. You can call me a fool, and I am just fine with that, for it's only the fool who can bear with others' ridicule, yet insist on his dreams without faltering.

It's snowing outside, and it's snowing inside too.
Getting irritated by the conversations out here, I choose to retreat to my own room, somewhere quiet and I can calm down my irregular heartbeat. I guess in a normal day I would of joined their inane chat, but not now. I smell an inauspicious intent in my mind, and I need to kill it off before going out of this room.
The room. In silent hill 4, this is where Henry is practically imprisoned. He is shown the truth, but there's nothing he can do, there's nowhere he can reach to, there's no one he can call for help. I do have someone. The Lord oversees everything I do, and he sends me an angel for instructions. With this, I will fend off any offensive from the evil forces, and thwart every attack from Satan. If you laugh at this, then just watch me. Maybe I don't have a lot of physical strength, but I'll show you the power of faith.
The snow isn't that heavy, though. What's worse is that it somehow grounds my will to move out. It will be a bit more chilly than usual, but just looking at the whiteness blinds me. If I don't have to step into the outside, then I'll stay inside for sure. I confess I'm a lazy child of God, and I have done that many times. Still, why do I get so easily frustrated? The angel tells me to do my best in every situation, and I did make quite a few attempts at it, but why am I still getting easily stuck in the hardship?
Grow up. One of my daily phrases. In fact, I need to grow up the most. There're times in life when I can't back off, and I must go through the stage, right now. I will step into this snow, because it's the only right thing to do. I will wade through the river of suffering, for it's the only way I can reach heaven. I am Lord's child, and I need to fulfill my father's wishes on earth. Until I accomplish that, I am not going down.
I take another look at the angel midair, smile one last time to her, inhale a deep breath, and start to get ready for my new adventure. I will travel through the winter freeze, and look for the spring sunshine. I don't know when I'll be back, but I make a solemn vow: the next time you see my figure, I will lighten up your sky, and paint it to the most colorful.

I forgot when I read it, but when I did, I could not understand it at all.
I recalled the moment I read the ending, when I felt something pounding inside.
I open up the pages once more, and suddenly there comes the light.
I close up the cover for one last time, and slowly a smile climbs up my face.

The tale of two cities.
The story of one unfulfilled dream.
The prophecy to be tested against time.
The wish to be granted at last.

"They said of him, about the city that night, that it was the peacefullest man's face ever beheld there. Many added that he looked sublime and prophetic.
One of the most remarkable sufferers by the same axe- a woman- had asked at the foot of the same scaffold, not long before, to be allowed to write down the thoughts that were inspiring her. If he had given any utterance to his, and they were prophetic, they would have been these:
"I see Barsad, and Cly, Defarge, The Vengeance, the Juryman, the Judge, long ranks of the new oppressors who have risen on the destruction of the old, perishing by this retributive instrument, before it shall cease out of its present use. I see a beautiful city and a brilliant people rising from this abyss, and, in their struggles to be truly free, in their triumphs and defeats, through long long to come, I see the evil of this time and of the previous time of which this is the natural birth, gradually making expiation for itself and wearing out.
"I see the lives for which I lay down my life, peaceful, useful, prosperous and happy, in that England which I shall see no more. I see Her with a child upon her bosom, who bears my name. I see her father, aged and bent, but otherwise restored, and faithful to all men in his healing office, and at peace. I see the good old man, so long their friend, in ten years' time enriching them with all he has, and passing tranquilly to his reward.
"I see that I hold a sanctuary in their hearts, and in the hearts of their descendants, generations hence. I see her, an old woman, weeping for me on the anniversary of this day. I see her and her husband, their course done, lying side by side in their last earthly bed, and I know that each was not more honoured and held sacred in the other's soul, than I was in the souls of both.
"I see that child who lay upon her bosom and who bore my name, a man winning his way up in that path of life which once was mine. I see him winning it so well, that my name is made illustrious there by the light of his. I see the blots I threw upon it, faded away. I see him, foremost of just judges and honoured men, bringing a boy of my name, with a forehead that I know and golden hair, to this place- then fair to look upon, with not a trace of this day's disfigurement- and I hear him tell the child my story, with a tender and a faltering voice.
"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known."
"
When I leave this mortal bound, please let me sleep in the warmth of your embrace, for this is where I will be reincarnated.