End of June

I guess time goes by pretty fast. In a blink of eye, it's been more than a month since I came back home, and in less than 2 months I'll probably be leaving this place once more. Is it the time to do a countdown now?
The enjoyable days always seem kind of short, doesnt it? I thought last summer was a long, painful vacation, because all I did was staying at home and working on small and mindless business. Day after day, it's easy to get sick. But now it feels like we haven't really done anything yet, nearly half of the time is already over.
I don't know when months later and we look back, what we will say about this time. And I can ignore that for now. But there are things I have to think of, and these might not be altogether fun. We need to spend more time and energy on certain things, and if that means taking away some playing time, I'm ready to accept that.
WE talked about this before, and we agreed that one way to glorify our Lord is to do our job to the best of our abilities. Both you and I know that we're still students, and school should come before other activities. I can't say much about you, but I feel like I'm not taking what I'm doing seriously enough. Maybe what I did hindered your progress as well, and I'll look to stop it. We said not to talk about future anymore, but that doesn't mean we should disregard our dreams. I'll keep doing what's necessary towards mine, and hopefully you'll do the same. I don't regret it if things don't really go in the direction we hope for, but I'll feel terribly guilty if I didn't try hard enough to make things happen.
And I'll get serious from now on. Talk to me if you think we're doing too much, or too little. If we're learning to become responsible of ourselves, then let us start from this very moment. Life isn't always easy, and sometimes we cannot take things for granted.
Before the end of June, expect a change in you and me. When the summer sunshine of July comes, I hope our lives will have a brand new look.
Thank you for listening to me, sweety.

The night is getting darker. I thought about going to bed now, then decided not to, because there is something else still on my mind.
It's been a while since the last time I looked into the night world like this. I don't particularly enjoy doing this, but somehow it feels a bit nostalgic. Like how you feel about the old days.
And just as in the black dome above the head and the lingering light from the street lamps, I can't see too much. If it's something within my eyesight, all that's left, is at best a silhoutte, a general shape without edge. Darkness is really a friendly colour: it blends together with everything else smoothly, almost without a seam. So this world suddenly falls under a spell, covered by an inexplicable cloud that makes everything too vague to distinguish. It tells you just enough about which direction you're heading, but doesn't say anything about what exactly lies over there. Like the future we're going in.
I said I'll try to bring the past good times back, back into tomorrow. I said I'd do all I can to make it real. I asked you if you can accept tomorrow even if it is still different from what you remember. And you said you'll try.
Yea. trying is probably all we can do. But I don't like using that word. I only say it to others when I really don't know if I can fulfill their request. It's like I'm making a gamble with little confidence. That's trying. Because if things don't turn out the way I want, I can always go back and say, "I tried, but it didn't work." It's not answering the question.
Suppose if a friend asks you to do him a favor. "Can you send this letter to the post office for me?" There're only 2 choices: yes, or no. "I don't know" means saying no, because that friend will only entrust his letter to someone who answers yes. And it will be the same for "I will try."
I guess asking for future isn't something you want. It appears to me that you either are afraid to accept unfulfilled promises, or simply do not want to make a wish for what's to come. But both of them are fine, because I will rephrase what I said earlier, and now all I ask is for tomorrow. As long as you answer yes, I don't mind asking the same question everyday.
I know I'm possibly thinking too much or asking the unnecessary again. And maybe the question is only to satisfy the selfish and wishful thinking side of mine. I know damn clear tomorrow isn't in my control, yet I still demand something from you to make myself feel at ease. Isn't it pathetic? I'm only asking you for more assurance, even though I know none of it will matter at all. Who am I trying to fool here?
Suddenly I feel sorry for myself. If I didn't ask this much from you, if we go back to the most basic things in life that bring us both happiness, if we expect less from each other, would we be better off? Maybe doing too much always include something unnecessary. From this moment on, perhaps it's best for me to grow up a little bit, behave myself a little bit, and ask for a little bit less. If you think you're making too many compromises and I'm thinking the same, then I'll make sure they're not part of your burden. It looks like I'm starting to take things for granted, and I will stop getting myself spoiled. It may seem I'm stepping back a little bit, and it pains my heart to do so, but if it can bring us back those good times and make our bond stronger and last longer, that is what I will do.
So if you're unable to answer that question, then don't worry about it. I'll throw it away. My faith in the Lord will not be shaken, and so is mine in you. You said you would keep the same faith in me, and I believe you will. Because of that, you said even if we walk away from each other, we will be fine and come back to each other. I'm glad your belief is this great, and that alone will erase all the doubts I have in mind.
I don't want to be the person who saddens your heart time after time. Instead, I will be someone you're proud of. I thank God for giving me this revelation tonight, and while you're already asleep, I wish you a peaceful dream. Take my hand tomorrow, and we shall together make it better than all the good times from the past.

There are things I never want to think about, but often they just take place anyway. So in the end, by the time they come to me, I am not fully prepared, and just left alone to think how I could've done better.
Well, looking back a bit, I'm already home for almost a month. Wow. That means my stay in this place has already progressed about 1/3. For many times, I wished the time could just stay at where it was and not move forward. I told you not to imagine what would happen after September, and honestly, I didn't want to do that myself. I only know it's going to be difficult, and you said the real hard part starts now. But the last thing I want is leave as it is, and not getting ready for it. At least, I'll make sure I am mentally and physically prepared for it.
I once hate it when time goes by this fast. Now that I carefully thought about it, this might not be something bad after all. I know at some point in the future, I will mature and become a full-fledged adult, who can take on the responsibility of supporting a family. If our days go quickly like this, then doesn't it mean that day is going to be here soon? I know most people have limited patience, and I definitely don't want to keep you waiting for too long.
With that said, it only means I have to work more, and work harder from this moment on. A promising future will only be obtained with my own effort. Sometimes I need a lazy day to get over myself, but 99% of the time I shouldn't allow this to happen. So if you really like me and are willing to be with me from now on, think about not only how we should enjoy today, but also how we can get to where we eventually want to be. Support me to do what I need to do, remind me when I forget my responsibility, and admonish me when I am being tempted and get astray. In the meantime, I'll do my part of the job and tell you the same. I am aware this might sound quite sudden and might even hurt you a bit in the beginning, but I'll just tell you one thing: I'm really thinking about the future now, and this is probably something necessary and we have to get used to. If we can encourage each other, alert each other of our own mistakes, and hold our hands together thru the days and nights, I believe we really can go a long way, and our dream will really become true.
Before either one of us falls asleep, I pray to God that you have a peaceful slumber, and thru Him, will the 2 of us be connected. Tomorrow, I will work harder, and also like to see your smile again, because the warmth of your hand can always make me feel at ease.

One sky, for the two of us to share

I have exactly 30 minutes before I leave, and you complain about me being lazy on writing the blog, so I'll put down some words here, and let you know something inside of me, which I haven't shared with you.
Are you sad? You won't tell me the reason, but I can guess, and I know I'm probably right. It's because I said I'll see if I can go to your place today and spend time with you and your friends, then I changed my mind. I know you want to see me, and in all honesty, I want to see you too. But there's still one thing you're not thinking right now: I may not be able to see you everyday, and also, I have other friends that you have not seen before. If I spend all my time with you and your friends, will I lose my friends then?
In fact, I was thinking about bringing you with me today. You've presented me to most of your friends, and I should do the same. Just as you should spend time with them now and then, I have no reasons to abandon mine either. Being together doesn't mean we have to be right beside each other for every second of our lives; sometimes, a short moment apart will make the time of us together even more meaningful. If you can't take in those words right now, then it's okay to leave it aside for now. I'll come back to you in no time. And even before that, I'll still be thinking about you. Remember I asked you to call me after they leave your place? That's because I said I'd talk to you plenty if I can't see your face today, and on top of that, I really, really want to hear your voice.
So before that, I will whisper a prayer, and let God bless you with His grace tonight. There's no need to be sad, as I am always with you. And once again, baby, take care.

Between now and the next time I'm getting back to work, I guess it's okay to stay here for a short while.
I heard in the book, people often talk about prophets and the prophecies they make. Well, I don't think I'll ever have what it takes to be a prophet, but when what I thought of from before really happened in my life one day, at least I'm prepared for it.
I said there're going to be bumps and ditches on the road. And I can only say I'll never try making you cry again. Because deeply within, I really can't tell what is going to happen between us. Remember in the Proverb? A man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. I can do everything to the best of my ability, but a human is imperfect, and when I'm bound to be wrong, selfish, and upset, are we going to replay the scene that took place today?
Perhaps it's pointless to talk about anything more about it. All I'm going to do is leave it behind and move on. Some days are full of sunshine, while others are filled with rain and clouds. It's probably the simplest fact of life, yet when the storm comes around the corner, I still panick, fear and feel clueless about the trouble. You said happiness is our saving, and every argument takes away a bulk of it and leaves the account almost empty. Well, if there comes a day when we use up the credit and I'm too tired to refill it above the limit, will you help me gather the missing portion?

I look outside of the window, and spot the feeble street light. The lamp, standing alone in the darkness, gives away the dim yellow rays to whoever walking under. Countless times, I strode in that slight warmth, trying to fend off the coldness from every direction. In this quiet world, I stopped for a second, closed my eyes, and just let my thought drift into nothingness. When was the last time I meditated like this? I don't remember, but certainly it feels nostalgic. No one is around, yet, I'm fine with how it is. I raise my hand to type something up, but my fingers are frozen in this moment of tranquility.
I heard the moonless nights are for the souls of wanderers to enjoy, because a world of oblivion is only available to these hearts. Nobody needs them, and they need nobody. The most beautiful moment of a tragedy is when it's the saddest, the grand finale takes place just before everything goes to dark and lifeless. Somehow, I feel at least a part of me belongs to this world. Is this really the other side of me then? The self from day time hid away behind the mountains along with the sun, and this other me emerged as the light faded from the sky. It has the eyes of a cynic, and to them, it doesn't make sense to feel lonely. It's nothing more than an alternation of having someone accompanied and being alone. The lord created times when there is something around, and when there is nothing left, so leave it as it is, and any questions are deemed inherently unncessary.
So lord, would you shed your light to this broken soul, and give it an answer: If you make us able to feel lonely and and feel fulfilled, why not robbing both of them and leaving our hearts devoid of these emotions? If it is a rainy day, or a pitch-black night, why would someone be satisfied and excited, while others are frightened and despondent? If you create everything with a facade, when can we finally take it off and discover your true intention? If pleasure is always followed by pain, then can we just paralyze our senses and deny the existence of both?
When the night reaches the darkest, will you still be watching over us? If you think my other side isn't worthy or faithful, can you cleanse it off from my body? I know I'll never be perfect, but at least, please make me better by tomorrow, than what I am today.