The night is getting darker. I thought about going to bed now, then decided not to, because there is something else still on my mind.
It's been a while since the last time I looked into the night world like this. I don't particularly enjoy doing this, but somehow it feels a bit nostalgic. Like how you feel about the old days.
And just as in the black dome above the head and the lingering light from the street lamps, I can't see too much. If it's something within my eyesight, all that's left, is at best a silhoutte, a general shape without edge. Darkness is really a friendly colour: it blends together with everything else smoothly, almost without a seam. So this world suddenly falls under a spell, covered by an inexplicable cloud that makes everything too vague to distinguish. It tells you just enough about which direction you're heading, but doesn't say anything about what exactly lies over there. Like the future we're going in.
I said I'll try to bring the past good times back, back into tomorrow. I said I'd do all I can to make it real. I asked you if you can accept tomorrow even if it is still different from what you remember. And you said you'll try.
Yea. trying is probably all we can do. But I don't like using that word. I only say it to others when I really don't know if I can fulfill their request. It's like I'm making a gamble with little confidence. That's trying. Because if things don't turn out the way I want, I can always go back and say, "I tried, but it didn't work." It's not answering the question.
Suppose if a friend asks you to do him a favor. "Can you send this letter to the post office for me?" There're only 2 choices: yes, or no. "I don't know" means saying no, because that friend will only entrust his letter to someone who answers yes. And it will be the same for "I will try."
I guess asking for future isn't something you want. It appears to me that you either are afraid to accept unfulfilled promises, or simply do not want to make a wish for what's to come. But both of them are fine, because I will rephrase what I said earlier, and now all I ask is for tomorrow. As long as you answer yes, I don't mind asking the same question everyday.
I know I'm possibly thinking too much or asking the unnecessary again. And maybe the question is only to satisfy the selfish and wishful thinking side of mine. I know damn clear tomorrow isn't in my control, yet I still demand something from you to make myself feel at ease. Isn't it pathetic? I'm only asking you for more assurance, even though I know none of it will matter at all. Who am I trying to fool here?
Suddenly I feel sorry for myself. If I didn't ask this much from you, if we go back to the most basic things in life that bring us both happiness, if we expect less from each other, would we be better off? Maybe doing too much always include something unnecessary. From this moment on, perhaps it's best for me to grow up a little bit, behave myself a little bit, and ask for a little bit less. If you think you're making too many compromises and I'm thinking the same, then I'll make sure they're not part of your burden. It looks like I'm starting to take things for granted, and I will stop getting myself spoiled. It may seem I'm stepping back a little bit, and it pains my heart to do so, but if it can bring us back those good times and make our bond stronger and last longer, that is what I will do.
So if you're unable to answer that question, then don't worry about it. I'll throw it away. My faith in the Lord will not be shaken, and so is mine in you. You said you would keep the same faith in me, and I believe you will. Because of that, you said even if we walk away from each other, we will be fine and come back to each other. I'm glad your belief is this great, and that alone will erase all the doubts I have in mind.
I don't want to be the person who saddens your heart time after time. Instead, I will be someone you're proud of. I thank God for giving me this revelation tonight, and while you're already asleep, I wish you a peaceful dream. Take my hand tomorrow, and we shall together make it better than all the good times from the past.