I feel a little awful right now, because just now I exposed my innermost fear and weakness. But I owe you a proper explanation, and here it is. I will write down every detail, not to defend myself, but in the hope to let you understand a bit more.

Honestly, I didn’t even realize I was acting strange until the moment you mentioned it to me. It’s true that I was talking in a louder voice, which is pretty unusual, but I never noticed I looked mad. To refine my behavior and control my emotions, I admit I still have a long way to go. I said I needed to grow up, and that's still quite true.

I understand that you feel you are mistreated, and you have every reason to think so. It’s my fault from the start, and I’m terribly sorry. I should have kept in mind, that no matter how frustrated I ever become, it’s unforgivable to take it out on you. It’s just, after all that search for nothing, I couldn’t quite calm down when you finally appeared in front of me. I’m not sure if you ever had this before, but when I was a kid and my parents were working for a long time, leaving me behind, I would cry and yell at them when they got back home. Even though I knew they were doing their best to make the family happier, and I was more than happy to welcome them home, I would still lose all my reasoning and let out all my emotions. In fact, when I first saw you today, I was unbelievably glad; I’m just sorry I can’t present it in a more acceptable fashion. I feel bad that I was acting like a kid and made you sad, but I just want you to know what I really meant that time.

No matter how I look on the outside, I’m still human, and I make mistakes all the time. I’m grateful you pointed it out to me, and as far as I can, I’ll avoid doing the same thing next time. Now, I have explained myself too much, and it’s time to take a break. Even if you still don’t understand, I’ll still pray for you, and in Lord’s name, I swear I will become a better person, as I have promised you once before.