beside my sleeping baby

I guess one year ago, I never imagined a year after, you would be sleeping like a quiet baby by my side.
In all honesty I wanted to head out tonight. It seems like whenever I end up at your place, I've got to stay inside for quite a long time. You know, I've had days when I couldn't go out for a week, and that almost drove me crazy. Sometimes I need the fresh air to keep my lungs alive, but o well, after I took a look at you in the bed, I just felt it'd be too cruel to drag you up from there and go out with me. Your sleeping look isn't great - forgive my imprudence - but it's lovely enough for me not to break the peace around you. To bother you even less, here I am, finding nothing in particular to do, but recording one sweet moment of the day.
I thought about the blog you wrote earlier, and the reason you won't write on our space any more. It's kind of nostalgic to visit that place again, because after all, that was where we traded thoughts day after day, our own little universe, even before we chose each other for the other half. If we couldn't be entirely open with each other during an argument, we would always go there and try to reach a solution through writing. You refused to write there anymore after the clause that I quoted from a certain entry a bit too often. If you can revive the space once I stop quoting from there, then by all means, I will not mention that again. I understand that you prefer silence in time of arguments, and I accepted that from the very beginning, but I still want to hear the voice of your heart, and that was the place you used to show me your truest feelings.
I didn't know you were thinking of yourself that way until I read that entry; I thought I was the one needing improvement all along. Well, I didn't know for whom you wrote that one, but if you were talking to me, I don't mind at all. I don't know what things you were referring to, but I know you aren't very happy, and I was one of the big reasons. If someone has to say sorry, it won't come to your turn. And if there's an ugly side of you, then so is there to me, and we can call it even. I accepted you and that includes it all. Besides, my problems come from myself, and all I ask is sometimes, you can care about me a bit more when I need you the most. You're already nice enough, but I have to admit that I'm greedy, so please bear with me a bit more, okay? And lastly, don't say you're of no use or there's nothing you can do. You're my girlfriend and you are the best I can ever ask for. If you think you need to be better, then let's do it together, because I think I need more than you do.
Baby, if I don't talk to you again tonight, then let me wish you a good night here, and come find the surprise later on. You're always happy to find out i wrote something, and let's hope I don't disappoint this time. And last usual thing to say, I love you, so very much.