end of a season

If this is not the right way to go, then we'll just change to a new direction and keep going down the path. Eventually, there must be a way to get to where we want to be. I believed that. I still do.
But that doesn't mean we should just forget about now and throw all the hopes to tomorrow.
I make mistakes. Serious ones. When I'm doing something unnecessary, I don't realize it until time is wasted and nothing has been done. Then I just feel stupid. Still, it's okay to have times like this once in a while, because no one can spend his time 100% on useful things, and I can forgive myself for that. After all, I know how imperfect I have become.
But these days were simply too exhausting to continue. There must be a reason to all this confusion, which just kept wearing me down. There's a week left. Supposed to be a week to be remembered, for all those days to come, I found myself hanging on for every minute passed. Thoughts and body are at war, and the body is too shaken down to listen to the thoughts. THen when I ask myself, "where has all my time gone to?" I just can't explain how I spend every second just to over-operate my own body. I'm not arguing how it happened and who's responsible, but there's one thing clear: this is not the right direction.
It's okay to leave me alone when I'm tired and in the worst shape. After all, taking care of myself is my own job and no one else should be held responsible for it. I've gone all the way through alone and it's not a problem to keep going that way. But I ask you to take up the responsibility of your own life. I will share part of the load when I'm around, but there will be times when I'm not. Sort things out and set the priority for them. And to do a bit extra, I'm willing to accept reprimand when you find me lazy and losing my effort. You said you'll be good with yourself and manage your life well until that day, and I truly believe you mean it. We need to put words into action. Grow up, so I can grow up with you as well. I know it's unfair to push the initiative onto you, but for the time being, as I'm trying to recover from the current despairing state, will you bear with it and show me one more time, that you are really taking our words to heart? Let us go back to the healthy lives we once lived, and make it even better.
I thought about it. On the bus, walking on the way home, and right now in front of the computer. I was going to put in harsh words but decided not to. It's mostly my mistake, and it'd be a shame if I try to blame it on you. But I think it's time to make a change, and if you agree with me, let's not waste one more minute. THink about it this way, if we spend a minute more without a purpose, then that day will come one minute later. Try our best and let it come as soon as possible, shall we?
I thought this summer would be passionate and energetic, but it turned out to be a languid time. Before the autumn comes, though, we can rekindle the fire that warms up our body and soul. This time, it will last through winter, next spring, and all the days after that. And last but not the least, all of this is not only for our future, but also for the glory of our Father. I believe in you, and I have faith in Him. There is nothing for me to fear, no matter what trouble lies ahead of me. Set our eyes on the promise, and hold onto me tight, then we will never get lost in the wilderness.