Sitting in front of a blank page, I guess it's the worst nightmare for someone in need of writing something. Thw entire whiteness simply looks devilish, and maybe it's best to let out some of the emotion inside, before I get back into the mess.
I can see ahead of me, all the good days when these couple of weeks is over. I turn around and look behind, most of the bumps on the road are already fading away. Is it the moment of desperation, full of hope yet surrounded by hopelessness? I wonder if what they say is true. I don't want to fall off the cliff at the last minute, so please, don't put a broken bridge in front of the final destination.
There's something called entropy in this world, which never goes away and keeps adding more to itself. I guess it's just another word for listlessness. There's no time to put everything back in order, or am I just excusing myself from doing so? Either way, as my brain gets more dysfunctional, my thinking scattered in pieces, Lord, show me the light to the promised land. If my body and soul can't get there as a whole, then break it apart so at least part of me can reach to it. Sometimes I feel this body is collapsing on me, but keep me moving until the battle is over. I cannot afford to lose to my other self one more time.
I can't see what will happen tomorrow, nor do i care to know. I only understand what needs to be done tonight, at this very moment, so that I may glorify you more. I said that we should not only seek you when I confront hardship, but for every second of my life. So Father, come into me to make me fear nothing.
I said I didn't have the time for you. That may be a true, because in reality, what I can't give you is attention. If I'm worrying about other problems when I'm talking to you, you should be able to tell. That's why I choose to step aside for a while. Maybe it's better this way for now.
I don't want to repeat those words, because I believe you won't forget them. Just trust God with everything you have, and through Him we shall come together once more.