This time, I think I really caught a cold.
I don't usually get sick; actually, this might be the first time this year that I get this much physically uncomfortable. When people around me begin to not feel well, I always tell them it's okay and just hold on a bit longer, and it's going to be fine in the end. For myself, I almost forgot how it felt to be sick.
I don't want to, and I don't have the time to trace back my life for the past days to figure out what went wrong. I just know it happened, and whatever the reason was, the cold has rendered me useless. Honestly, it feels utterly pathetic to write this diary at this moment, but I guess I'm just doing it to remind myself again in the future. Moreover, I can't afford to get sick too frequently, because I still need to take care of the people I love. It's harder for me right now, as they are the ones caring for me.
I wanted to sleep in bed all day and just leave the outside world in oblivion for a while. But at the same time, I felt the need, or this unreasoned desire to still accomplish something within this limited time. I can't counter when you said my life looks carefree, and in fact I tried to make it so, but there are always something you just can't let go of.
It's nostalgiac to recall those days, when I was sick and grandma was staying by my side, telling me about heaven and earth, good and evil, past and future. I hardly understood any of them at the time; it's just she seemed really happy saying all those weird things, her eyes sparkling with delight, and somehow, it telepathically delivered to me, so I did feel a little bit better. Shame on me that I still can't quite comprehend some of what she said, but I know one thing for certain, and that is she was making a wish, wishing that one day I would grow up and realize those unrealistic expectations. You can dream no matter how old you are.
I'm sorry I wasn't born a prince, and I'm never going to influence the world in the way you want me to. But when the day comes I bring my princess home, will you still be proud of me?